Etiquette

Not sure what to say or do? You're not alone.

Most people feel some uncertainty when attending a visitation or funeral: what to say, where to sit, how to help. That uncertainty comes from a good place: you care, and you want to get it right. These guidelines are here to help you feel a little more confident so you can focus on what really matters: showing up for the people you love.

When should I visit?

If you'd like to offer support before the services, simple gestures go a long way — bringing a meal, helping with household needs, offering to watch children, or running errands. The visitation or funeral service itself is typically the most natural time to express your condolences in person, and the family will be grateful you came.

What should I say?

There's no perfect thing to say, and most grieving families aren't looking for the right words: they're looking for your presence. A simple "I'm so sorry for your loss" or "I'm here for you" is more than enough. What to avoid: phrases like "they're in a better place" or "everything happens for a reason," which can unintentionally feel dismissive of real pain. When in doubt, a warm hug and a few sincere words matter far more than anything carefully scripted.

Where should I sit?

The first few rows at a funeral or visitation are typically reserved for immediate family. If you're not immediate family, choose a seat behind the reserved section. If you're unsure, a staff member will be happy to guide you.

What should I do during the service?

Arrive on time and enter quietly. If attending a visitation, take a moment to offer your condolences to the family before finding your seat. Silence your phone before the service begins, if you need to take a call, step outside. Beyond that, simply being present and respectful is exactly what's needed.

What should I do about children?

There's no universal answer. It depends on the child's age, their relationship to the person who passed, and their ability to sit quietly through an emotional service. If you do bring a child, take a few minutes beforehand to gently explain what to expect: where you're going, why people might be sad, and how you'd like them to behave. A little preparation goes a long way toward helping children feel safe and ready.

What should I give?

Flowers sent to the funeral home or the family's home are always a meaningful gesture. Some families request donations to a specific charity in lieu of flowers. If that's the case, please honor that wish. Food is another deeply appreciated gift in the days following a loss. And a handwritten sympathy card is welcome at any time: there's no deadline on kindness. Send one whenever you feel ready.